Transit Van


Margaret Thatcher talkin on TV
Looks so sincere as she says to me
There’d be no unemployment if
You all used a bit of initiative
I was on the dole, I was broke and bored
Says I, I’d take her at her word
Got a loan from the credit union man
And bought meself a transit van.

Me next step up the ladder now
I bought meself an auld fat sow
Cross the border quite legally ?
Collected a common market subsidy
Signed all the forms and handed back the pen
Smuggled the sow back home again
Ten times a day I worked this plan
Meself and the sow and the transit van

Travel sickness, the sow picked up
Says I, it’s time to diversify
Took all me money from the biscuit tin
Filled the van to the roof with whiskey and gin
Around the South, me wares I’d sell
In public houses and hotels
There was never a guard nor a customs man
Put his nose inside the transit van

At festivals and fleadhs and fairs
If the craic was good, you’d find me there
At all big matches in Croke Park
And I danced with Springstein in the dark
I fought with the tinkers in Ballinasloe
I danced on streets around Listowel
Mothers had their daughters warned
Stay well away from the transit van

It being Lent and the drink trade slow
I took to carrying video
While on the road to Ballybay
Found a customs road-block in me way
To face the border I got her turned
The engine roared and the tires burned
Five patrol cars fully-manned
Were in hot pursuit of the transit van

Through Clontbrit I did go
I was heading for the county Mayo
Round the corner, I hit a dog
Went over the ditch landed in the bog
I sat on a bank watched all I owned
Sinkin in a bog hole like a stone
She was lying on the roof with the wheels still turning
And the stereo playing Daniel O’Donnell

Now I’m back where I first began
No job, no money, but I’ve a plan
There’s a girl down in Mullingar
She can hold me future in her hand
She doesn’t look like a film star
But she’s been telling me about her da
He has no property or land
But he has two sows and a transit van

The Queen of England drives a Rolls Royce car
Her son, Charlie has a Jaguar
But when the Pope came to Ireland
Like myself, he drove around in a transit van


Song Clip